I survived....

Year's ago, when Garrett was 14, he went on three sident Scott camps right in a row.   The first he was on stag at a big adventure camp in Idaho,  the second week he went on a scout campout for the week and the third week he went on high adventure.  That same summer he did Trek as well,  but that came a few weeks following the scout camps.  I remember doing him of at his first, I was sad for him;  dad that he doesn't know anyone at the camp,  sad that he was going to be all alone, sad because I knew that was where he didn't really want to be.  We didn't force him to go,  we just made site he followed through on his commitment he made to help out.    All the other boys in our ward that were volunteering at a scout camp were assigned to work towner at the same camp,  but some how Garrett was placed by himself at a different camp.  This made me sad for him because he wouldn't have the opportunity to build on friendships from our ward.   This made me worry,  because as a mom,  we always want or children to be liked and have friends.  Well he didn't have that here,  he was going to have to make friends.
It took me back to a time when I was driving home one afternoon.  As I was driving I drove past the elementary.  I noticed children outside playing on the playground.   I decided I wanted to see if I could catch a glimpse of my son,  playing with his friends and having fun.   So I drove to an area where I was able to park, that was not in school property,  and watch for my son,  I just wanted to make sure he was having fun and interacting with others.   I looked and looked and finally spotted him!   However,  he was alone this recess.  My heart broke.   I hoped this want happening every recess.  I turned the key and pulled away, I had seen enough, I didn't want to watch, what in my mind,  was my child being left out and being all alone.
I never did anything about the to him.  But that day we dripped him off at the first of the the Scott campus,  the one where he knew Nobody,  I didn't want him to feel alone;  I didn't want him to be left out,  wandering around all by himself.
We pulled up to the campground,  walked with him to find out where he needed to go then went back to the van and unloaded his backpack from the trunk.  We offered him help to get his gear to where it needed to go but he'd declined the assistance.   We have him a hug and a kiss on the cheek,  told him we loved him and got back in the van,  while he stayed at camp.   Driving away, my eyes started to swell, tears falling down my cheeks.   What if he gets homesick?   What if he misses us?  Who is going to tick him in?  Who is going to tell him that they live him each night?   What if he doesn't make any friends and is all alone?    How am I going to get through this week without my Garrett?   How am I going to make it through the weeks without him? (he would come home Saturday afternoons only to leave again bright and early Monday).  Driving away,  Saturday felt like such a long ways away. ... It might as well have been two years!
I remember thinking and wondering if this is what it was going to feel like when Garrett left on his mission? 
Fast forward five years,  it is what it feels like but more intense.   I still have those same worries for Garrett, the same fears I had for him when I dropped him off at the first camp five years ago. 
The hardest part for me was not being able to keep in touch with my son those 18 out of 21 days.  It delighted my heart when by the third camp he realized he needed to hear his mom's voice and get my reassurance that I loved him.   One day the phone rang and he told me he smuggled his phone with him.   As much as I wanted to be upset, I wasn't.   I remember the conversation was brief but it ended like it always does,  with a simple I love you pal...I love you too, mom.
So the fears and worries are still the same.  I survived that summer of camps so I should be able to survive the next two years,  right?