It really is a double edge sword, you know. This past week one of Garrett's companions had to go home from the MTC. Part of me is really jealous that that mom gets to spend time with her son. On the other hand, I also know that was not the outcome the mom was hoping for. Neither was her son.
Part of me would love to open the door and find Garrett there with his luggage. But the other part of me knows that is not what I want nor would he want that. That part of me knows that this is what all of us need; he needs time to learn and grow and I need to allow him that chance.
My heart breaks for the missionary that has to go home. He or she has a long road ahead of them. They have to persevere on in the eyes of others, who unfortunately there are some, that will judge them (which is none of their business anyway). How hard it must be, for the missionary, to make the call to your parents and say, "I am coming home early." As much as I want to hear those words, I don't.
You see, this is a double edge sword. You really want the best for your children, you want to see them do better than you and you want to see them learn and grow. But it does come at a price. More like sacrifice. When I think about it in terms of the lives Garrett will touch and bless, it brings comfort and joy. How could I deny Garrett that opportunity? He may not see the impact on the families he has now, but he will see the impact years and years down the road.
My brother told me the other day, "This is the best education Garrett will ever get! This education he is getting is far better than any prestigious university or college." This is true. I know that. I can already see it through the letters Garrett has written home. It is amazing what the MTC has already done.
So I will persevere the next two years (actually a little shy of two years now...but still close enough). I know that this will take time. But it is the letting go that is hard. I did find an article on musicandthespokenword.org that I loved, it reads:
Love, Loyalty, and Belonging – January 12, 2014
Every parent knows that being a good mom or dad is the most difficult job in the world. No challenge is greater than giving your all to raise a child to become a responsible and honorable adult. And while it can seem exhausting and never-ending at times, the day soon comes when that son or daughter leaves home. It can be as challenging to see your children go as it was to raise them. In some ways, perhaps it’s even more difficult.
But giving them wings to fly and find their independence is the task of parenthood. And that’s the great irony of parenting—if we do it well, our children grow to need us less and less. As we truly, without guilt or overprotectiveness, “set [them] free to find [their] calling” in life,1 they leave with a sense of confidence and an assurance that, whatever happens, they are loved. And then, in moments and decisions large and small, thoughts and hearts return to the home that’s filled with goodness and love.
Of course, no home, no parent, no son or daughter is perfect or without some problems. But that’s the process of life. We give our hearts, we do our best, we learn and grow, and we become better and wiser. Life changes, children grow up and leave, and it seems that things will be forever different. And yet, though circumstances change, in a way they remain the same: We may not live together anymore, but we will always love each other. We may not see each other every day, but we are loyal and true to the timeless values taught and happy memories experienced in the home. We may move far away for a season, but always we are linked together—we forever belong to one another.
That sense of love and loyalty and belonging between parents and children can remain with us always. No matter where we travel, in our hearts we can ever be homeward bound.
- Lloyd D. Newell
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