I have been doing well. Maybe it was because I was busy....I still am busy, but I was incredibly busy with student teaching. Don't get me wrong, I still am busy with that, but the class I am in for the final half of my student teaching is a lot more laid back. Maybe it helps that they are younger kids, but not nearly the work that I was dishing out for the other grade.
Anyway, I was doing okay until today. Not sure what hit today, but today I miss Garrett. No it is nothing like when he left, I just miss his presence here. I have pondered what caused this shift from being okay to just missing him today. Maybe it could be that that time of month is approaching......sheesh, I hate that time of month. Maybe it was because we went out of town over the weekend and Garrett was not there with us. Maybe it is that every Monday I get an email from Garrett and today it just made me miss him. Maybe it is that on Monday, I have been able to catch him online and today wasn't any different, we chatted for a while. In between whatever he was doing on the computer and me with my class. But we still chatted. And we joked back and forth. I don't know what it was, but all of the sudden it hit me when he said, I have to go, Love ya, bye. He has said that every time we have chatted, but today....today it hit me. I miss him.
I am so proud of him though. He sounds like he is doing well. He sounds like he is enjoying his time. He sounds like things are flying by for him. He sounds like a truly wonderful young man that is doing wonderful thins in Florida.
I guess as a mom you just always worry about them and hope that they are doing okay and today wasn't any different.
I have been told that this will happen. I guess I was just surprised that it just hit from out of nowhere.
Oh well....I guess I need to stay busy so I can suppress these emotions...or not let my aunt Flo come for her monthly visit :)
Monday, March 10, 2014
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
I'm okay....
They say it gets better....and they are right! Really, I think the hardest day I had was the day Garrett left and the Sunday following the day he left. Both were really hard days. Don't get me wrong, I still miss him, but I think it is just that you learn to deal with the reality and learn to adjust to the new lifestyle/life change.
I look forward to every Monday that I get a letter from him...Monday's have become my new favorite day! I love the days that we are able to catch him on the computer and have a brief conversation with him. Granted, it is not the same as talking to him in person, but any little bit of time that I can "chat" with him will do....and it helps make the day that much better.
But really, things are much better. It is amazing how the Lord helps to ease the pain. It is amazing how there are times I am thinking something and then somehow, Garrett seems to answer my thought in his letter or email.
But it really does get better. Honestly. Now two years just needs to fly by.....really 23 months now!
I look forward to every Monday that I get a letter from him...Monday's have become my new favorite day! I love the days that we are able to catch him on the computer and have a brief conversation with him. Granted, it is not the same as talking to him in person, but any little bit of time that I can "chat" with him will do....and it helps make the day that much better.
But really, things are much better. It is amazing how the Lord helps to ease the pain. It is amazing how there are times I am thinking something and then somehow, Garrett seems to answer my thought in his letter or email.
But it really does get better. Honestly. Now two years just needs to fly by.....really 23 months now!
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Easier
They say that it gets easier...I guess I am starting to think that. Maybe that it is not easier, you just start adjusting to a "new" life. Not that it is necessarily new, just different. Maybe you just adapt to missing the extra body that occupied the same space. But I can tell that it is getting a bit easier, emotionally. I can get through the days without crying. In fact, I made it most of this week without crying....with the exception of Tuesday! Tuesday was when Garrett left for Florida...that day was nearly as hard as Jan. 8th. But things have improved. Things are better. Maybe it is all the prayers that are said :).
But I can honestly say, things are better. I still miss him, I still cry whenever I read a letter he sends, but I can say his name and mission in the same sentence and be just fine! I still want two years to fly by though. But hey, we are nearly through January and I can say that this month has gone by fairly quickly. Let's hope the others are equally as fast if not faster!!!
But I can honestly say, things are better. I still miss him, I still cry whenever I read a letter he sends, but I can say his name and mission in the same sentence and be just fine! I still want two years to fly by though. But hey, we are nearly through January and I can say that this month has gone by fairly quickly. Let's hope the others are equally as fast if not faster!!!
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
"Hi pal!"
5:45am the phone rings, except this time is was a good thing. This was one of those calls that you DO want to get in the middle of the night... or at least get woken up to. "Hi!" Said the voice in the other end. "Hey pal!" Brent said. The conversation lasted about 20-25 minutes. There were no tears shed; Garrett sounded like his usual self. Full of stories of the adventures he has been on the past two weeks. Telling us all about the MTC and how wonderful it feels to leave. Telling us how we sent him too many snacks; snacks he left behind for other incoming elders. Telling us about sneaking on the computer to send a quick email or how they would have chair races down the hall. Letting us know that the teachers in the MTC are pretty awesome...at least he said his were. We told him about RC cars that were just purchased. We talked about the football teams heading to the Super Bowl. We talked about a few things he wanted us to send. ..A pocket knife mainly. Then the conversation had to end so that the other sisters and elders could call their families, too.
We said our "I Love You's" and he said he would call once he arrived in Atlanta in his nearly 5 hour layover. We hung up the phone and we were all thrilled, beyond belief, to hear his voice again and to hear that he is doing well.
By now it was just after 6am. I noticed in the bathroom last night that we needed toilet paper in the morning after we woke up and got ready for the day. Well, I pushed that need to a desperate need. I bumped the toilet paper, the only role we had and we're using, into the toilet! Off to the store we go.
As we drove to the store, we talked about Garrett and how he sounds. We talked about how now the real part of his mission begins.
We arrived back home about 15 minutes later, it was not about 6:30am. We proceeded to get ready and crawl back in bed. I couldn't sleep...still can't and it is now 8:06am. I couldn't sleep so I opened my phone, checked Facebook, then played a game. Occasionally I would glance at the time on my phone. 6:50...He should be leaving in 20 minutes, I thought. Back to the game. I told myself I want going to look at the time, it would be too hard. 7:00....10 more minutes. 7:09, all I could do was watch those numbers. I must have watched them for the full minute before it changes it 7:10. "I wonder if his flight is leaving o time?" I pondered.
I open up the browser on my phone and proceed to Deltas homepage. I click on check flight status, type in the departing city and the arriving city. The flight had already left. 3 minutes early!!! I didn't know if I should cry or what I should do?
I jumped out of bed, grabbed my glasses and twisted a louver of the blind open. It was dawn. There was light to the east but night looking west. I could see a plane heading east, the only one. It's light flashing against the dark sky. My heart sank. Garrett was gone. He was no longer just a short hours drive away. He was no longer within reach I could pick him up if he wanted to come home. Garrett was and is now on his own, entering the real world.
Tears filled my eyes when the lights on the plane were switched off, I could no longer tell where he was as he entered the morning sky. Soon the tears overtook me. Brent didn't need to ask why I was looking outside, he already knew the answer. He asked if I could see the plane, which I replied, "I am pretty sure I saw it, but now the lights are off and I can't see it any longer." He motioned for me to come to bed, which I did. I just needed to be held, Brent needed to be held. Garrett was going to be a long ways away.
I didn't expect this emotion to be this strong today. I didn't think I could feel like I did two weeks ago, again. But I do. Once again, this is hard...hard to say goodbye and let go of your children's youth. Hard to let them grow up and learn to make their own grownup decisions. Hard to watch them leave the comforts of your home for an unknown place thousands of miles away. It is just hard.
But I am counting down the hours and minutes until he calls again...from Atlanta. Three hours until I can hear his voice on the other end and we can say, "Hi pal! How was your flight?"
Monday, January 20, 2014
Double Edge Sword
It really is a double edge sword, you know. This past week one of Garrett's companions had to go home from the MTC. Part of me is really jealous that that mom gets to spend time with her son. On the other hand, I also know that was not the outcome the mom was hoping for. Neither was her son.
Part of me would love to open the door and find Garrett there with his luggage. But the other part of me knows that is not what I want nor would he want that. That part of me knows that this is what all of us need; he needs time to learn and grow and I need to allow him that chance.
My heart breaks for the missionary that has to go home. He or she has a long road ahead of them. They have to persevere on in the eyes of others, who unfortunately there are some, that will judge them (which is none of their business anyway). How hard it must be, for the missionary, to make the call to your parents and say, "I am coming home early." As much as I want to hear those words, I don't.
You see, this is a double edge sword. You really want the best for your children, you want to see them do better than you and you want to see them learn and grow. But it does come at a price. More like sacrifice. When I think about it in terms of the lives Garrett will touch and bless, it brings comfort and joy. How could I deny Garrett that opportunity? He may not see the impact on the families he has now, but he will see the impact years and years down the road.
My brother told me the other day, "This is the best education Garrett will ever get! This education he is getting is far better than any prestigious university or college." This is true. I know that. I can already see it through the letters Garrett has written home. It is amazing what the MTC has already done.
So I will persevere the next two years (actually a little shy of two years now...but still close enough). I know that this will take time. But it is the letting go that is hard. I did find an article on musicandthespokenword.org that I loved, it reads:
Love, Loyalty, and Belonging – January 12, 2014
Every parent knows that being a good mom or dad is the most difficult job in the world. No challenge is greater than giving your all to raise a child to become a responsible and honorable adult. And while it can seem exhausting and never-ending at times, the day soon comes when that son or daughter leaves home. It can be as challenging to see your children go as it was to raise them. In some ways, perhaps it’s even more difficult.
But giving them wings to fly and find their independence is the task of parenthood. And that’s the great irony of parenting—if we do it well, our children grow to need us less and less. As we truly, without guilt or overprotectiveness, “set [them] free to find [their] calling” in life,1 they leave with a sense of confidence and an assurance that, whatever happens, they are loved. And then, in moments and decisions large and small, thoughts and hearts return to the home that’s filled with goodness and love.
Of course, no home, no parent, no son or daughter is perfect or without some problems. But that’s the process of life. We give our hearts, we do our best, we learn and grow, and we become better and wiser. Life changes, children grow up and leave, and it seems that things will be forever different. And yet, though circumstances change, in a way they remain the same: We may not live together anymore, but we will always love each other. We may not see each other every day, but we are loyal and true to the timeless values taught and happy memories experienced in the home. We may move far away for a season, but always we are linked together—we forever belong to one another.
That sense of love and loyalty and belonging between parents and children can remain with us always. No matter where we travel, in our hearts we can ever be homeward bound.
- Lloyd D. Newell
Part of me would love to open the door and find Garrett there with his luggage. But the other part of me knows that is not what I want nor would he want that. That part of me knows that this is what all of us need; he needs time to learn and grow and I need to allow him that chance.
My heart breaks for the missionary that has to go home. He or she has a long road ahead of them. They have to persevere on in the eyes of others, who unfortunately there are some, that will judge them (which is none of their business anyway). How hard it must be, for the missionary, to make the call to your parents and say, "I am coming home early." As much as I want to hear those words, I don't.
You see, this is a double edge sword. You really want the best for your children, you want to see them do better than you and you want to see them learn and grow. But it does come at a price. More like sacrifice. When I think about it in terms of the lives Garrett will touch and bless, it brings comfort and joy. How could I deny Garrett that opportunity? He may not see the impact on the families he has now, but he will see the impact years and years down the road.
My brother told me the other day, "This is the best education Garrett will ever get! This education he is getting is far better than any prestigious university or college." This is true. I know that. I can already see it through the letters Garrett has written home. It is amazing what the MTC has already done.
So I will persevere the next two years (actually a little shy of two years now...but still close enough). I know that this will take time. But it is the letting go that is hard. I did find an article on musicandthespokenword.org that I loved, it reads:
Love, Loyalty, and Belonging – January 12, 2014
Every parent knows that being a good mom or dad is the most difficult job in the world. No challenge is greater than giving your all to raise a child to become a responsible and honorable adult. And while it can seem exhausting and never-ending at times, the day soon comes when that son or daughter leaves home. It can be as challenging to see your children go as it was to raise them. In some ways, perhaps it’s even more difficult.
But giving them wings to fly and find their independence is the task of parenthood. And that’s the great irony of parenting—if we do it well, our children grow to need us less and less. As we truly, without guilt or overprotectiveness, “set [them] free to find [their] calling” in life,1 they leave with a sense of confidence and an assurance that, whatever happens, they are loved. And then, in moments and decisions large and small, thoughts and hearts return to the home that’s filled with goodness and love.
Of course, no home, no parent, no son or daughter is perfect or without some problems. But that’s the process of life. We give our hearts, we do our best, we learn and grow, and we become better and wiser. Life changes, children grow up and leave, and it seems that things will be forever different. And yet, though circumstances change, in a way they remain the same: We may not live together anymore, but we will always love each other. We may not see each other every day, but we are loyal and true to the timeless values taught and happy memories experienced in the home. We may move far away for a season, but always we are linked together—we forever belong to one another.
That sense of love and loyalty and belonging between parents and children can remain with us always. No matter where we travel, in our hearts we can ever be homeward bound.
- Lloyd D. Newell
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Sundays....
I am starting to think that Sunday mornings are not my favorite. It's just a bit rough in the morning. 1pm church does not help either. Maybe if I could sleep in that would help....But I can't. Nobody is preventing me from sleeping in but myself. I have this darn internal alarm clock that wakes me up lately at 6:30am and then I can't fall back to sleep. So here I lay in bed, trying to fool myself that I am tired, all while being clobbered in they eye by Brent's elbow as he adjusted his pillow....which now I have a headache. Yep, I should have got out of bed when I first woke up.
Sunday mornings are dangerous in bed!
Secondly, I miss Garrett. That kid would wake up early. .. Okay 8... and go into the the family room; I knew I could find him there. Eventually I would join him. We would exchange small talk, how did you sleep, have a good nights sleep? Things like that. I miss that.
Slowly, I can tell pain of missing him is being softened....But really slowly. I guess it has only been 11 days since he has been gone and I am entitled to still feel sad, right? I am happy for him, really I am. Reading his letters makes me happy. Reading his letters let's me know he is doing okay. Reading his letters let's me see the growth he has made.
So today, I may be reading his letters over and over again if that is what it is going to take to help me get through the day....specifically this morning.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
I am a proud mom!
What a great day it has been! I have looked forward to this day for the past four days! Garrett emailed us last week and said that Tuesday was going to be his P-Day, while in the MTC. I have looked forward to his letter today since then. I have also hoped that, maybe, I would be able to catch him while he was on the computer and say "Hello!" Well, I was able to "talk" to him many times through email. I did not catch him on the computer until later in the evening, but still, he responded back to my messages quite a bit today! I was thrilled! (I guess thrilled would be obvious because I am ending each sentence with an exclamation mark!)
I am starting to think that looking forward to those writing days is what keeps a mom going and what may make this mission go fast....I hope! Garrett sounds like he is doing well and having a great time, which makes me happy. It is good to know that your kids are okay when they are away from home. I am just ecstatic that I had the chance to talk to him through the computer, even if it was emailing. For now, I will take it! But I cannot wait until 6:20a.m next Tuesday when I will get to hear his voice!
Anyway, I have another letter to share....But first, if you want to read what Garrett has to write go to this website: http://www.missionsite.net/eldergarrettchristensen . I love that it organizes all his letters on this site....it is wonderful!
Okay, I have another letter I want to share. I want to be able to come back and read this letter time and time again. During one of mine and Garrett's email exchanges, he asked who wrote Parker's letter for him, I had no idea what he was talking about....I was thinking that maybe Parker wrote something goofy to his brother. I asked Parker what he wrote to Garrett, Garrett was wondering who wrote it. He then asked if I wanted to see what he wrote. He pulled the letter up on the computer for me. I was incredibly touched by his letter. What an awesome example he is to me. I just love my kids...that is all I have to say! But I did not want to lose the letter that Parker wrote, it definitely was a letter from the heart! So here it is:
Well... not much has changed. Subway is still the same old stuff, except for the fact ______ got fired, but anyway! I was sitting in seminary the other day and got bored, nothing unusual, but i was flipping through pages and wound up on the M's of the bible dictionary and started reading, I came upon the word Miracles. As i read it it was all normal scripture references and words and then i reached the end. The last sentence says " Miracles are a part of the gospel of Jesus Christ. If miracles cease it is because faith has ceased. See Mark 6:5–6; Morm. 9:10–20; Ether 12:12." I know that this is true seeing that in past month one friend I'm not way too close to started to leave the church, a group of his friends started praying for him and as i was talking to him in class the other day he said he went to his room and saw his scriptures, he continued to tell me he opened them up and got this comforting feeling so he started reading. After reading he said he got this feeling he needed to go to church the coming Sunday, he said that while he was at church they watched the new video for the Youth, the theme this year is come unto Christ and he told me how on the video the picture of Jesus got his mind turning and he thought about when he was baptized and the spiritual rush it gave him, he then started listening to the lyrics and he said when the words "let him and he will take away your pain, when you feel his love you'll never be the same" really hit him. He then heard the part "by his grace hes calling to you... with arms open wide" put him into tears. I feel that tender mercies like this are what keep us going, I know tender mercies in my life are what keep me going and are what keep me true and strong to the faith. I don't know if you've heard the new theme song yet but its one of the most beautiful songs and it has tons of truths that on any bad day will help you! Another thing I love about it is all of the miracles that Jesus preformed that are mentioned in it. This song is the best song to listen to when sad, mad , or just feeling down. every time i listen to it it almost brings me to tears, no joke! But anyway, I'm very happy of the example you've set for me and I'm looking forward to serving my mission. Well, for now have a great time and talk to ya later bro! Also just remember to look for those tender mercies in you life, my seminary teacher challenged us to write every single one down and I've been doing that, on any bad or hard day just go back through all the tender mercies you've had and it will turn a frown upside down and lighten your day!
I am starting to think that looking forward to those writing days is what keeps a mom going and what may make this mission go fast....I hope! Garrett sounds like he is doing well and having a great time, which makes me happy. It is good to know that your kids are okay when they are away from home. I am just ecstatic that I had the chance to talk to him through the computer, even if it was emailing. For now, I will take it! But I cannot wait until 6:20a.m next Tuesday when I will get to hear his voice!
Anyway, I have another letter to share....But first, if you want to read what Garrett has to write go to this website: http://www.missionsite.net/eldergarrettchristensen . I love that it organizes all his letters on this site....it is wonderful!
Okay, I have another letter I want to share. I want to be able to come back and read this letter time and time again. During one of mine and Garrett's email exchanges, he asked who wrote Parker's letter for him, I had no idea what he was talking about....I was thinking that maybe Parker wrote something goofy to his brother. I asked Parker what he wrote to Garrett, Garrett was wondering who wrote it. He then asked if I wanted to see what he wrote. He pulled the letter up on the computer for me. I was incredibly touched by his letter. What an awesome example he is to me. I just love my kids...that is all I have to say! But I did not want to lose the letter that Parker wrote, it definitely was a letter from the heart! So here it is:
Well... not much has changed. Subway is still the same old stuff, except for the fact ______ got fired, but anyway! I was sitting in seminary the other day and got bored, nothing unusual, but i was flipping through pages and wound up on the M's of the bible dictionary and started reading, I came upon the word Miracles. As i read it it was all normal scripture references and words and then i reached the end. The last sentence says " Miracles are a part of the gospel of Jesus Christ. If miracles cease it is because faith has ceased. See Mark 6:5–6; Morm. 9:10–20; Ether 12:12." I know that this is true seeing that in past month one friend I'm not way too close to started to leave the church, a group of his friends started praying for him and as i was talking to him in class the other day he said he went to his room and saw his scriptures, he continued to tell me he opened them up and got this comforting feeling so he started reading. After reading he said he got this feeling he needed to go to church the coming Sunday, he said that while he was at church they watched the new video for the Youth, the theme this year is come unto Christ and he told me how on the video the picture of Jesus got his mind turning and he thought about when he was baptized and the spiritual rush it gave him, he then started listening to the lyrics and he said when the words "let him and he will take away your pain, when you feel his love you'll never be the same" really hit him. He then heard the part "by his grace hes calling to you... with arms open wide" put him into tears. I feel that tender mercies like this are what keep us going, I know tender mercies in my life are what keep me going and are what keep me true and strong to the faith. I don't know if you've heard the new theme song yet but its one of the most beautiful songs and it has tons of truths that on any bad day will help you! Another thing I love about it is all of the miracles that Jesus preformed that are mentioned in it. This song is the best song to listen to when sad, mad , or just feeling down. every time i listen to it it almost brings me to tears, no joke! But anyway, I'm very happy of the example you've set for me and I'm looking forward to serving my mission. Well, for now have a great time and talk to ya later bro! Also just remember to look for those tender mercies in you life, my seminary teacher challenged us to write every single one down and I've been doing that, on any bad or hard day just go back through all the tender mercies you've had and it will turn a frown upside down and lighten your day!
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